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Insecurities dredged up again

It’s unclear which came first. Was it the solicitations from AARP that started showing up in the mailbox addressed to me at age 45 or was it being asked if I wanted the senior discount at Alco? They must have been at around the same age. Thinking that it might not be as bad as it sounded, I asked the checker what age the discount was available and found that it was not the benefit of the doubt allowing 50, but 65. I hadn’t even let my hair go to its now natural silver yet back then.

Toward the end of her life, my older sister looked older than her years. My other sisters and I decided she looked more like Mom’s sister than ours. It wasn’t nice, but sisters aren’t always nice to each other. We were all born within a few years of each other, so probably noticed more than if we’d grown up further apart.

This is leading up to a horrifying experience at the hospital with Mom.

She had just been admitted to the hospital. My just younger sister and I were sitting with her when her nurse came in. She looked at us and asked if we were sisters. I had a bad feeling about what I’d heard, but my sister happily answered that we were. Deep inside I knew she meant the three of us. Both of the others were sure she’d only mean us two. It was too obvious that Mom was our mom. It turns out I was right.

In the erring nurse’s defense, Mom has the least gray in her hair of the three of us. But still! Mom looks great for her age, but I thought we were both holding our own with father time too.

My hair has been its natural color for several years now and I rather like it. But after that happened, I’m questioning everything. I don’t want to go out and buy a box of blonde, but it’s no longer outside the realm of possibility.

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